Cause And Effect

19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions ²¹and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Galatians 5:19-21

This morning, in school, we had to sit through a counselling course called Love Matters. Because I teach 17-18 year olds and they are at an age where relationships mean a big deal to them, we have to know what to say to them. Of course, ideally, we should be able to tell them abstinance is best. But are they really going to listen? Ideally, I should be able to quote this from the Bible and have them quake from fear. But I can't. Not only because I teach in a secular school, but because I cannot alienate all those who do not believe.

Mom always taught me that when I teach, I should teach from the known to the unknown. Start with something they are familiar with, to introduce them to a foreign concept. To many of my students, God is something they cannot grapple with. They don't know and they don't understand. So, to couch a message so important in terms that they do not yet understand would be an act in futility.

I am not saying that I don't believe in it. I just need to get the kids on the same page as I am on before I even start. They all know sex before marriage is wrong. But knowing is an intellectual ability at times and it is not enough. I knew it at 18 too, that sex before marriage wasn't right. But it didn't really hit me till much later- when I listened to the wedding vows for the very first time. I've heard the wedding vows before but one day, at a wedding rehearsal, I finally listened and it became crystal clear to me.

I need to help my kids get there and it isn't by scaring them (although that might delay that sexual experimentation somewhat). Nor is it by threatening them (inheriting the earth isn't something 17 year olds spend a lot of time pondering over). And on top of that, I don't think it's my place to issue the threat that God will punish them for their sins. I believe God does allow the consequences of our actions to affect us adversely if it is the natural progression from our actions, but I really do not see it as my place to decide when, who or where God meets it out on.

My job here is to make sure my kids are aware enough to make the right decisions. And if they don't, at least be ready to face the consequences- and to do that, they have to know full well what the consequences are. I believe that if you choose a path that God does not want you to choose, but do so nonetheless, you live by that decision and you shouldn't expect God to bail you out. Even though, I think some of the time, He does.

Faith.

Faith is knowing what you do not see. Believing what you cannot know.

Faith has never been a problem for me. I've always known that God has been there, a part of my life and I've never had a doubt about His existance. I've been lucky that way. But life has it's way of breaking down that connection, where knowing and doing meet. It's when you take things for granted and assume that the relationship is one way or that it doesn't need to be taken care of and nurtured. It's when the noise from all around you not only drowns out the whispers of God, but also leads you to forget to have the conversations at all. I've been thinking all week about what to post on this blog and I realise that I really don't have much to say. My faith is intrinsic and as with all things intrinsic, it's difficult to articulate. I will endeavour however to do this. Life be darned, it's time to start talking again.

A Life Worth Living.

Always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you. —1 Peter 3:15 (22 June 2005)

Why am I a Christian?

The short answer is I was born into a Christian familiy.

But no, that doesn't answer the question. There are a whole lot of people I know who are born into Christian families and couldn't be further away from God.

So, let's try this again.

Why am I a Christian?

Because I was born and brought up a Christian and somewhere along the way, I discovered God and his greatness on my own. Sure, it helped that I was in the right environment but there was a still a journey, all through those rebellious teenage years and early uni days when religion and God took a back seat to ideas of rationalism and empirical evidence. But all through all that, God was there and God was on my mind.

I returned to church after Bryan and I broke up. I think there was some comfort to be got in church at that point. I remember crying through the hymns, not because it reminded me of Bryan but I think because I was in a vulnerable state and was therefore, not fighting at all, allowing the Holy Spirit to actually touch me and fill me. Hymns are beautiful and when you know them well enough, God speaks clearly and loudly through them and they touch your innermost soul.

I've never been asked to defend my faith, well, actually I have. At the age of 9. To my Dad. It was one of those evangelical/healing sessions and Mom brought me. I don't know why. I was 9 and had the attention span of a gnat. But anyhow, I went and I saw this speaker lay hands on wheel-chair bound people and have them walk across the stage. I didn't think much about it, as a kid, you really don't think much about anything really. But the next morning, my dad asked me what I saw and I told him. And he said that it was probably staged. I told him that I didn't think it was and Christians wouldn't lie about these things. Whether or not it was true, I believed enough to say that to my dad who wasn't the most accomodating when anything he says gets contradicted. But that was then, as a 9 year old. Now?

I have many friends who need to find their way back to God and I don't really know how to help them except use my own life as an exemplar to them and even that isn't very much I suspect. I think Dan does a better job of that than I do because as an individual, he has more faith in what he is unable to see but still believes. My belief needs to grow into that. And to do that, I must stop trying to be in control of everything in my life and let God take over the wheel. But until then, I shall have to go on discovering and learning how to show reason as to why I believe in something that cannot be seen or heard physically, something totally irrational but at the same time totally logical.

And I see this as the challenge ahead of me...
"The final test of the Christian scheme comes from trying it out in one's life, testing the promises the scheme tells us God has made, following in the way enjoined on us by the church, and seeing whether it leads to the new life of the Spirit."

Not By Might, Not By Power

I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily. —Colossians 1:29 (21 June 2005)

Mom always told me that I couldn't just rely on myself to do things. That when I did, it would always come out short. I don't think she meant that I wasn't good enough. But that if I committed it to God, he would help me and it would be far better than what I could achieve on my own.

I have heard some call Christianity a crutch, that it breeds blind faith and dependence on something that is intangible. But Colossians 1:29 reminds us that dependence on God's mighty power within us is what makes us effective. And I bear testament to that.

I don't remember the times that I have succeeded under my own wind, possibly because they were so unimpressive they don't leave a mark in my memory. Spectacular failuures, on the other hand, like failing my Chinese exam, races that I botched up bore the same obstinate trademark of me, trying to do it on my own, me, not asking for God to guide me along and basically, doing it the Sinatra way.

And in the same way, committing in into God's hands and asking him to show the way has always turned out great. At 6, I remember Mom worrying that I wasn't going to get into a good primary school and she told me to pray about it. So I did. We had big French windows in the house and I knelt at one, like in children's books, and I prayed. The prayer of a 6 year old was heard by God and I got into the school that Mom hoped I'd get into.

And twenty years later, that still worked. My honours thesis wasn't just my work. It was a joint, collaborative effort. I asked for guidance and I prayed for the Holy Spirit to be with me and I wrote that dissertation that impressed enough to give me top marks. What more evidence does one need?

I think we need to keep remembering that. That when we do our best, God does so too. Reaping what you sow with God's help. It really isn't a one way thing, where we ask and sit back and just receive. I need to remember that in school as well. I guess, sometimes, I am so uninspired in school that it's just work that I need to get through. But even then, God helps, when I have piles to grade and ten thousand things to rush out. I guess, on our part, we have to remember to give thanks and honour for what He has done.

Thank you God for never being too busy to give us a hand with even the smallest things.

Asking For Help

Strive together with me in prayers to God for me. —Romans 15:30

I haven't been very disciplined in reading and listening to what God has to say to me. Of course, there are a million excuses. No time- I leave the house too early, I come home too late, there're too many things for me to do, the list goes on.

This morning, I made it a point to actually sit and go through the Daily Bread of the last few days. Sometimes the reading for the day feels more relevant than other days. The previous day's reading seemed to call out to me more. It talked about asking for help, not just from God but from those around us who are put there by God to support us.

I am reminded of one of the episodes of Joan of Arcadia where God tells Joan that she is the perfect instrument to do his work. And that there are people around whom God works through.

God - Miracles happen within the rules. That's why I came to you.

Joan- To perform miracles?

God - You're an instrument of God, bound by the limit of time and space.

Often when I feel troubled or anxious or stressed, like now, I tend to brood or only talk to Dan about it. I took almost 4 months to talk to Cat about wanting a child only to realise she had wise words to share with me. And when I shared the burden with Threez, she convinced me to see Prof who helped allay the fears I had then. So, I learnt to share- not my toys, but to share my thoughts, of course as unobtrusively as possible, and I feel relief. And I have come to see that it is one way that Christ works.

I am still troubled and I am still anxious, it's hard not to be. But through these struggles, God's opening my eyes to little things that I may not have realised before. And I see things, new every morning.

Lord, may I not be too proud to ask for Your help by asking for help from Your children.

Revelations

This is a time that I suppose is aptly described as a time of struggle for me. And the obvious came upon me this morning, that I would feel better if I talked to God. No, not in the sense of just praying, because that, I do much of the time. Often it reads like a Dear Santa list at Christmas and I have felt that it should be much more than that.

During term time, it always helps to sart the day with paying some attention to God and what He has to say. Dan gets chapel in the morning. I don't. I created my own chapel when I would have breakfast and look at our Daily Bread to see what message God had for me that day. Often it was me taking and God feeding. I don't think God had a big problem with that, I may be wrong, but at least, I was listening.

It's not enough now. I want to be able to put my thoughts down about what God is saying to me. Digesting it, having a dialogue of sorts. Hence, the birth of this blog.

And as I was creating this blog, God spoke in the quietest of ways. My favourite verse in the Bible is in Philippians 4:13. I can do everything through Him who strengthens me. And as I was looking for that verse, I came across something else, earlier on in the chapter- Do not be anvious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thaksgiving, present your requests to God- Philippians 4:6, that speaks directly to my struggles at this point.

God doesn't have to send thunderous booming voices and burning bushes to get His point across. And the point is made all the same.